Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
