My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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