I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
