I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
