dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
