Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
