You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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