I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
