Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
