my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
