Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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