oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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