I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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