i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
