Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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