did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
40s are totally the cure
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
