I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
