and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
