I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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