He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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