3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize