I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I AM VODKA MAN
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
