rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
