So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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