Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
