Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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