How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
