Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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