Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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