Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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