she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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