I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize