his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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