where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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