Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
