I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize