it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
