So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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