Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
