you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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