oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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