I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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