I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
