saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
