Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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