I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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