I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
please come you make the beer taste better
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
