My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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