I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
