I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
