If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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