If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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