In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
