So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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