my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can text with my tongue
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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