im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
