Small penises have feelings too.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
