is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Randomize
