just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
