my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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