I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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