At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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