Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
being pregnant is like rehab
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
