Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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