I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So squirting runs in the family.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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